About two weeks back, my friend's parents drove me to Clememti MRT station from school. So there I was in the backseat, anticipating questions and small talk, but there was not much. It was alright for I was perfectly content with gazing out the window. And along the way, I couldn't help but observe that when they spoke to each other, there was a certain quality in their tone of voice - gentle, tender, patient.
I tried to recall a similar moment in my past, only to find that there was no such moment. The separation took place more than five years ago, but even in my childhood and adolescence, I have never had that feeling. The feeling that I felt that night in the car, looking ahead at my friend's parents. For the smallest, slightest of moments, a thought slipped into my mind - how nice it must be to have parents like that.
Even when my parents were married to each other, they were not happily married. In my memory, there were just fights, arguments and disagreements. For years, I have never given it much thought, just bearing the reality of living in such a family. But for a moment, I simply wondered what the other side might feel like.
No, there is to be no dwelling on the past. If anything, I shall take it as nothing more than a learning experience. All that hurt and pain will not be for nothing, instead they will constitute part of what it is that drives me to live my everyday with as much colour, beauty and happiness as possible.
More importantly, the past has made me want to create the most beautiful future possible for myself and my children. Because the least I can do is to give them what I never had. And I will.
"A happy marriage is the best gift that you can give to your children."
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